English is really funny

1. A candidate's application
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both,
I am applying for the post."

2. An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave"...

3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his
friend's letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school"

6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

7. Another leave letter written to Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave

8. Someone writing a letter in English for first time to his friend:
I am in the well, Hope you are also in the well........