mumbai(click on it to have a better view)

teenage threat

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was as nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: -

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true
he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:







PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

indian style

childish

gizzmo

witty gurl

men and women

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl . . . . and her husband is on the back of the milk carton!

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking! for some e tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. ( I figure this guy will soon appear on the milk carton! )

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men ... the husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

sardar....dildar

A WAY TO XEROX UR DOCUMENT FROM PC

SoMe AmAzInG pApErS.......

SLOGANS

• Sign on a railway station at Patna:
  "Aana free", "jaana free", "pakde gaye to khana free".
  
• Seen on a famous "beauty parlor" in Bombay:
  Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.She may be your grandmother!
  
• Seen on a bulletin board:
  Success is relative.More the success, more the relatives.
  
• Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
  We need your heads to run our business.
  
• A traffic slogan:
  Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough -
  or else they never will be.....
  
• Sign in a restaurant:
  All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager
  
• Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations such as Jaish, Lashkar etc.
  Its our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and God. -Indian Armed Forces

HE..HE

Pavan:Do you know that Omkar Phadake stays at 10th floor.But he uses the lift only till 8th floor then he walk to the 10th floor.
Sundaram:Really?Is he on diet or something?
Pavan:No yaar,he can only reach the 8th button of the lift.

• Name the wonly part of the werld where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala .
• Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding andre-tying he lungi.
• Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
• Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff? To yearn menney.
• What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
• 6. What is a Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yay.
• Why did his wife divorce him? Because he was louwing another woman.
• Who found out that? His andy.
• What does a Malayali do when he goes to America? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
• What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto.
• Who is Malayali's fyamous yeactor end yaectress? Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
• Why Kerala is the most highly literate state in India? Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapals from Kerala.
• Why Arab countreis are looking for only Keralites? They are ready to do yennything for menney.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Please don't stop after reading this, You should atleast spread this to: 10 Malayalis & you will receive cokknut oil, 20 Malayalis and you will receive bennena chips, 40 Malayalis you will receive appams, 100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply of cokknut oil and bennena chips free.

the Stupidest people to ever dial 911!!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming fromthe brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen tableand when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me beforeand I'm sick and tired of it.

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Hi, is this the Police?

Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?

Caller: Well, I don't know who to call.Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?

Caller: Fire, I guess.Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?

Caller: I was wondering.....does the fire department put snow chains on their trucks?

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Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?

Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on mytiresand... well.. do you think the fire department could come over and help me?

Dispatcher: Help you what?

Caller: Help me get these &*%$ chains on my car!

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just sai d it was nine-one-one.

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

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And the winner is..........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

English is really funny

1. A candidate's application
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both,
I am applying for the post."

2. An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave"...

3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his
friend's letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school"

6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

7. Another leave letter written to Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave

8. Someone writing a letter in English for first time to his friend:
I am in the well, Hope you are also in the well........

famous quotes

Priety(IT miss) :- where was u absent yesterday?

Preity(Physic) :-WHAAATAAA!!!

(more to come)

N.E.S

U come to know its N.E.S(National Education Society) when:-
U see boys in pure shirt and formal style and girls in T-shirts and skirts.
U see boys carrying Rs.30/- extra, cuz they don't know when they will be fined.
U see students standing outside on corridor and when asked reason they simply reply that they were absent the day before that.
U see proffesors raiding your bag without any pre-warning.
Any thing of yours can be seized.
U are made to fill form late and then asked fine for filling it late.
U see the worst canteen being crowded.
U find more F1,F2 then all pass.
U find student's english book up-to-date.
U find the attendance around 95%.(Yuck!)
U find a never used fountain being placed.
U r asked to pay for ur absence.
U realize that teachers knows ur bio-data.
U find students having all the books in his bag.
U find no lecture is left free.
U find students covering even there rough book.
U find toppers getting admission through donation.
U find students laughing at a awkward jokes. (atleast
U find student thinks themselves as real stud. my
U find students giving silly names to each other. class)
U find library is always filled up.
(will be updated with more national news....so keep tune in)

Uffasaur

Uffy gawked at the sky but could see nothing but the blistering sun on fire. He then turned around to witness the scorching TERRA FIRMA around. But he was not a slave to the heat around him. It was evidently due to his sitting inside his concealed point from where he can see the world and the others cann’t see him. He chuckle at them when he sees that the flora and fauna around him never knew he was around here.
He then recollected what his dad used to say ‘SON, always close your eyes and try to feel the world, you will see more then the world shows you.’He then closed his eyes and realized as he always did. He closing his eyes could hear the sound of far away movements of the animals. He could hear the elephant drinking water in a nearby tarn and this cann’t be seen by him by open eyes. It’s true that your hearing ability boost when you close your eyes. Closing his eyes he could hear the flaping of the bird's wing. It was amazing but true!
He then opened his eyes to have a surrounding look.It did not bring any bombshell to him. He was living here for more then six years hiding from the outside world for his own security .
And his name was UFFASAUR. And actually he was a dinosaur. And a vegetarian one.
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MR.Thames a researcher, sat on his seat taking a crack at the incident that took place inside his director room.
‘Sir, it is true.’
‘How can it possibly be?’
‘Sir, i have a proper evidence.’
‘So what? I can also make a phony one to formulate such a demand.’
‘But this is not a false one.’
‘Sorry I don't want to carry on this meeting further. Please don't talk such a thing out side all will think you were gone round the bend.’
‘But sir there are evidence of a large shaped foot engrave.’
‘It can be made by anyone. You can leave now.’
‘I swear that dinosaur exists now too.’
‘I think I said you to leave the room.’
Then without a single word Thames left the room and sat down to consider what to do next.
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It was night and Uffy went out for his ussual hunt. And this he had to do quietly and the problem with him now is he cann't help leaving is print in the area. They were no other alternative to vanish this prints. But he tried his level best to control it. Then he went to his favorite spot and picked the leaves and ate it gently. Then he remembered his dad saying ‘Son, never risk showing up yourself to the world especially the HUMAN RACE. They are so unkind and will do anything for there survival. ’ He kept this in mind and that was the reason for his hidden life. But he enjoyed looking at the world around and lived serenely.
He then reached his hiding and went to a deep sleep.
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‘Is MR.Roger at home?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Can I talk to him?’
‘Sure. Who should i say is calling?’
‘MR.Thames.’
‘Just a minute.’
The servant of the house went to his master's room and informed him. From the master's expression he was sure he did not know anyone named Thames. But his master went and attended the phone. The servant tried to hear the conversation. But he heard only a part of it. The words spken by his master only.
‘Yes Roger here…Whats so important?…Okay I will meet you but…About dino-…Are you sure about the information…Okay I will meet at the-- … OK!’
The servant could not grasp the location name because the master had really told it in a low tone.But this was not the first time. The master gets many such anonymity calls.
(To be continued....)

A PROPER WISH

THE SKY ABOVE THE EARTH IS BLUE,
OH, BIRDS I WISH TO FLY THERE WITH YOU.
THE WATER BELOW THE EARTH IS ALSO BLUE,
OH, FISH I WISH TO SWIM THERE WITH YOU.

I WISH I COULD REACH TO THE EDGE OF THE SPACE,
AND MAKE WITH THE COMETS A SPEEDY RACE.
I WISH I COULD SEE SIMULTANIOUSLY DAY AND NIGHT,
AND FIGHT IN THE WAR LIKE A TRUE KNIGHT.

I WISH I COULD BE A FRUIT BEARING TREE,
WHICH GIVES AWAY ITS FRUITS TO OTHERS FREE,
AND MAKE THE AIR POLLUTION FREE,
AND ALSO THE ENVIRONMENT SOUND FREE.

BUT ATLAST BECAME A GREAT FOOL,
SINCE HOW CAN I SAY THIS SO COOL.
HAS ANY OF THIS BEEN POSSIBLE EVER,
THEN I SHALL THINK OF IT NEVER.

BUT I ALSO WISH I CAN HELP OTHER,
AND BE WITH THEM TO SHARE THEIR JOYS AND SORROWS TOGETHER.
THIS REALLY MAKE MY WISH SENSABLE,
AND I SAY I AM ALSO REALLY CAPABLE.

SO MY DEAR, YOU TOO MAKE SUCH SENSABLE,
AND WISHES THAT ARE TO YOU QUEIT CAPABLE,
AND MAKE YOUR DREAM A MOTIVATION,
THROUGH WHICH YOU INCREASE YOUR ACTION AND NOT IMAGINATION.

CARRY ON N ON

LET THE DARKNESS BE OUR GUIDE,
WE WILL GO HAND IN HAND,
LIKE A STRAPPING TIDE,
AND HOPE FOR A BETTER PLACE TO LAND.

I DON’T CARE WHERE I LAND,
UNTILL I AM WITH YOU,
WE WILL PLAY SILENT BANDS,
TO MOTIVATE OUR FEW.

WE WILL TOGETHER ALWAYS STAND,
ON A SLITHERING, FALLING LAND,
STANDING HAND IN HAND,
HOPING FOR A SWIFT OF A MAGICAL WAND.

BUT LIFE CAN’T BE MAGICAL,
JUST START THINKING LOGICAL,
LIGHT WILL THEN START TO FLASH
WE WILL FILL A LOT OF DASH.

TOGETHER WE WILL FIGHT THE FATE
AND BE TOGETHER TILL THE HEAVEN’S GATE
IF I GO OFF DON’T WAIT
CARRY ON N ON.

When things go wrong

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must – but don’t you quit.


Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow-
You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.


Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt-
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest bit-
Its when things seem worst that “you mustn’t quit”.

I Already Flew

It's been a month and a half
And I haven't heard your voice
I haven't seen your face...
I guess that's your choice

I'm sitting here thinking-
Why you haven't called?
Or is something's wrong...
I don't know what to think

I wrote to you
Letting you know how I feel
I let it all go through
I would think you would take it for real

But obviously you don't
'Cuz I told you to call me when you get it
But you won't...
Your pride won't let you, will it?

Or is it that you never think twice
Before doing things
But it's OK, 'cuz I'm moving on...
You are not a bird with my wings!

I can fly on my own
I don't need a little boy to help me pull through
I can do things on my own-
I love you, but I already flew...

BEAUTY-UGLY

The arrow just hit me and went,
I tried a lot to bent.
But oh god love has made his own way,
Oh my god what can I now say.

Words fail to describe her beauty,
But I missed her lately.

Why didn’t cupid arrow her,
Why didn’t I befriend her.
Why did I lost the sight of her,
Why did I fell in love for her.

Why am I suffering a lot,
What did I in turn got,
Oh why did I lost,
What did she on me cast.

Once some one knock at my door,
I went to see whose on my floor,
Oh gosh! I saw the same beauty,
The girl I saw today early.

As soon as I opened the door,
She came in and closed it,
What was this all about,
I thought I should tell her to go out.

But I did not resist her,
The beauty of her was the only curse,
She then began to relax on the chair,
I went on seeing her breath in the air.

She the spoke,
And I from dream woke,

She said,
I am a terrorist,
Just shot down a politest,
Police on my back,
Saw your house and thought to hack.

Hope you stay silent,
If you want I will pay the rent,
I gave no reply,
And sat on the chair and felt to cry.

Oh God why is it that the soul
Which is the reality
Hidden inside.
Why is it that even though black impure,
Has a white skin and dressing pure.

And after a few minute I heard the door open,
Saw the gorgeous dreadful demon going out of the den,
And then I closed my eyes,
And felt my love die.

MY LAST WISH

MY LAST WISH,
BEFORE MY LIFE’S LAST DISH,
IS TO BE FREE,
UNDER AN EVERGREEN TREE.

I WANT TO THINK OF MY PAST,
TILL MY BREATH LAST.
WANT TO THINK OF THOSE DAYS OF CHERISH,
BEFORE I MYSELF PERISH.

I WANT TO THINK OF THE DAY,
WHEN MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SAY.
OF THAT DAY,
WHEN I PICKED MY OWN WAY.

WANT TO THINK OF THE DAY I WENT TO DRILL,
AND MY BRAIN BEGAN TO FILL.
AND THEN I STARTED MAKING BUDDIES,
WHO PLAYED WITH ME AND ALSO HELPED ME IN STUDIES.

I WANT TO THINK OF THE DAY WHEN I MARRIED,
THE FAMILY MY BACK CARRIED.
THE DAY WHEN I BECAME FATHER,
THE FAMILY THAT INCREASED FARTHER.

THE DAY WHEN I WAS IN NEED,
THE TIME FEW FRIENDS CAME TO FEED.
THE DAY I CAME TO KNOW MY FRIENDS,
AND OLD RELATIONS BEGAN TO END.

(THE DAY I WENT TO PILGRIMAGE,
AND MET MANY DIVINE SAGE,
AND LIVED IN A LIFE OF SPIRITUALITY,
FORGETING MY LIFE OF VIRTUALITY.)

NOW I SIT UNDER A TREE SHADOW,
WRITING THIS TO YOU,
I HOPE IT WOULD NOW SNOW,
AND THE SKY BE BLUE.

AND THUS I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP,
FOREVER,
AND NEVER,
CONTENT BY MY LONG LIFE.

……..AMEN………

Tsunami-The God Play

When the earth changed its face
All was left, was the debris of life
That once existed and thrived.
Unseen, unarmed, uncapped,
The mighty waves hit the earth
Yet the guilty never got a hunch
Too peaceful, too happy they were
Pondering of their short-stay
Their well-being was a mere pray
Unconscious of the might of destruction
They faced n they stayed
All was left was the debris of their grave
The mighty horror treated everyone the same
No crowns no jewels, no thrones
Lives lost
Hopes unborn
Beliefs thwarted
Logic ridiculed
Nature played it's course once again
All a human could do, was a little pray
A candle and a tray
In a mosque, or a church or a temple

Life not so alive, starved n deprived
Few left and saved by the godsend
If only i could do was to save them
If only we could do is to help them
Some decree we received
And we all stood for the uniform cause
Rich or poor
Colored or discolored
Mighty or weak
We all held the thought together
And gave them the chance to live again
The chance to breath again

Yet the disaster fierce, our help too vague
If only we could do more
We could share the happiness with the children who lost
Lost their childhood,
Lost their loved ones
Lost their innocence

If only we could help restore the beliefs
The faiths
The relief

Donate our thoughts to them
Share our love for them
And help them forget the mishap
The mishap that changed the lives of millions
Effected or unaffected
Destroyed or not destroyed
If only we could devote our portion of thanksgiving
If only we could donate the mere wealth
Which we have, material or immaterial

The feeling that we will have
Will be more sweeter than the holly water
The first drop of rain in the desserts

The more smiles we put on de faces
Of the grief
The more grains for their hunger
The more shelter for their uncovered existence
The more remedies for their well-being
For their sickness and pain

We might not achieve the world
We might not become saints
We might not be known among the most generous

But if only and only we donate for our self-existence
For self-spirit
For self -peace
For self-belief

We might not become the godsend
But we might become the people who help the godsend

LeFt To RiGhT

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.

But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting......


Second, the man is drinking our Cola


and ......

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.


Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

That should have worked," said the friend.


The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

Two.. friends.. Billooo.. &.. Tillooo...

went.... to... school... for... appearing...

in... English... exam... (7th standard).


They... had... learned... an... essay... of...


"MY BEST FRIEND"....

But unfortunately,....

in the question-paper....

it.... was.... written ...... .

write.... an... essay ...on....

"MY FATHER” .

in.. just.. 30-45 ..words ...

So... Billooo... was... utterly... confused... &.. nervous ...what.. to.. do!!!...

Tillooo... gave... an... idea . . . .

" Just... write... the... essay... '

"My best friend"

&... just... keep... on...

replacing... the.... word.... "friend"

with... the ..."father".....

So... this... was... how....

Billooo.. &.. Tillooo...

wrote... the.... essay...


"MY FATHER"......
Fathers... & ...fathers... are... everywhere,

but.... good... fathers... are... very... rare.


I.... have... so... many... fathers,...

but... my... best... father.. is.. "pyarelal".

He... is.. my ...neighbour...

He ...often... comes ...to.. my ...home..

&....

my... mother... likes.. him... very.. much...

Oh gosh! i guess the teacher must have gone faint readin this essay

WHTS UR CHEMISTRY

MAN PROPERTIES

ELEMENT: Man
SYMBOL: Ah (short for a**h***, a common French root used to identify the element)
DISCOVER: Eve
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 7 inches, wavy brown hair, 6' 0" in length, though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches yet weigh 200+ Kg
Occurrences: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen. (Experimental evidence: any beach on any coast)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol)
Tends to fall into very low energy state dirrectly after reaction with Wo (Snore ...zzzzz)
Gains considerable mass as specimen ages loses reactive nature.
Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with poluted form of the Wo commom ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
Reaction Rates range from aborted/non- existant to Pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red and send it to react with Sa, the sex analyist)
Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.

STORAGE:
Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

USES:
Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo...

TESTS:
Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

CAUTION:
Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very malleable under correct conditions.

Woman Properties

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERED BY: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Surface usually covered in painted film.
Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

MAKE YOUR FOCUS

Select the Image by draggin the mouse over it and watch the magic...

A Chemisty scholar's proposal

I am attracted to you
Like an electron to a proton
Together we form an ionic bond
Though we are opposite charged ions
I am drawn towards you
Our love is unique as an orbital
For only two electrons can fill this space
As my love for you increases
My energy level rises
I am in this excited state
Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond
I was an element
It took you to make me a compound substance
Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction
Which cause my love for you to grow
Ours is an exothermic love
Each for giving off love not just absorbing it
Sometimes you do something especially nice
Which speeds up the chemical process
Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you
I realise we have our inhibition periods
And sometimes I am selfish enough
To be an endothermic reaction
Only absorbing your love
The feeling I have for you is so intense
It cannot be measured in kilojoules
Often I have to make a qualitative elementary analysis
To understand and love you more
But I don't expect to know your empirical formula
You are too complex a person for that
When you are gone
I am a noble gas
An inert substance
When I am without you
The world seems still
And I am at equilibrium

modern affair and its reply

Dearest Girl

I am very happy to inform you that I have feelings for you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 1999. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 1999 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,
[Boy]


REPLY

Dear Boy :
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment.
If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a placed luxury condo and a Jag are in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions on myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest . Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
[Girl]

HA AH !!

SATISH and AMIT were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. SATISH: 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
AMIT : 'Yes, I have'
SATISH: 'Well, my father dug it.'
AMIT : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
SATISH: 'Yes, I have.'
AMIT : 'Well, my father killed it.'

Biography of GIRISH
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.


Love letter My Dear FAIR & LOVELY (EK TUKUDA CHAND KA),
You are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love) and also my AIWA (PURE PASSION). I always BPL (Believe in best) and you are SANSUI (Better than best). You are MC DOWEL'S (Mera number one) love LA OPALA (Made for one). I believe in FRESHIYA (Gorapan se jyada khoobsurti ka wada) and you are one of the most Beautiful in this world. I think of you day and night when you give me one and only Smile. You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a Million of smile per day) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me. I would like you should be my life partner. I think you are worried about your Father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The unshakeble) and also think of my Father who is CEAT (Born tough) but don't worry I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The coolest ones). If they will say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Lets make things better). They will feel MIRINDA (Jor ka jatka dhire se laghe) and we COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho Jaye Coca Cola enjoy). Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) those who love each other. And we are Wills (Made for each Other). After some time, our love will be SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Invited by all). We will be HERO HONDA (Leading the way) of our love life. Then our life is BOLERO (Break free). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (The real test of life), SATYAM ON LINE (Fun fast easy), PARX (always comfortable) and also AMUL (The real taste of India). For me, HOME TRADE (Life means more). So never forget me. Ok bye! I wrote little but PEPSI (Ye dil mange More).
LG [Digitally yours]


Top 10 inventions............

1) The water-proof towel

2) Solar powered torch

3) Submarine revolving door

4) A book on how to read

5) Inflatable dart board

6) A dictionary index

7) Ejector seat in a helicopter

8) Powdered water

9) Pedal-powered wheel chair

10) Water-proof tea bag

Dad : What type of a Girl u want to marry ?
JAY : I want to marry a girl who is *Intelligent *Well-Studied *Obeys Parents *Good-Looking
Dad :Then u have to marry 4 times.

Father : JAY, where is your report card.
JAY : My friend Pavan borrowed it to scare his father.


GIRISH : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun
PAWAN : here take it
GIRISH : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun.
PAWAN : ha! ha! no money in my purse

NIDHI : Rachana, You are looking different today.
Rachana: Yes, Doctor has asked me to loose some weight.
NIDHI : So have you lost.
Rachana: Yes, I have stop putting my make up.

Baker (to Venkatesh) : SIR, shall I cut the cake into 6 or 12 pieces.
VENKATESH : No, cut it into 4 pieces only. I am on dieting.

SINI: Rahul tell me two nouns.
JAY : Who ? Me ?
SINI: Very Good. Sit down.

jay's suggestions

While at the college JAY happened to watch the notice board.
It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room.
JAY writes under :
Let the men Permit to Enter

HA HA

Omkar padhake,Venkatesh,Amit are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Omkar padhake says: "I think I can eat 10 samosa pav".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "18".
And the machine is silent.
Venkatesh says: "I think I can eat 15 vada pav".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 20 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
Then Amit says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

NES JOKES

BINDU : If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another,how many dollars would you have?
PAVAN : One dollar.
BINDU (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
PAVAN (sadly): You don't know my father.


BINDU(from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a TEACHER. When the VARDHARAJAN saw the BINDU's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK." The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW.....
BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
VARDHU fainted...


Once SURAJ meets a sadhu on road. Then suraj sees a dog and throws stone on it. He misses and exclaims: "SHITS! I missed.".The saadhu says hurting animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse. Then again SURAJ neglecting the advise throws another stone. He misses again and shouts: "saalaa! phir sae missed" The saadhu warns him: "If you use such such language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you." Again he throwed a stone. And still misses and cries out: "DAMN! Missed even this." The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away." "Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the SURAJ looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "F**K! I missed too."

The collector asked DEEPAK for his rail ticket. DEEPAK searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied DEEPAK, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'


Once Amit singh was relaxing in a vacant class alone. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg.
Walking up to him they asked him,"Sir are you relaxing?" Amit singh replied, "No, I am Amit Singh!"
The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Amit Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a near by vacant class and asked,"Are you relaxing?"
The man replied, "Yes, why do you ask?"
Amit Singh answered with satisfaction, "Then those kids are probably looking for you!"

MAINE GANDHI KO NAHIN MAARA!!!!!!
MAINE ARJUN KO MATHS NAHI SIKHAYA...........!!!!!!!!!

GEETA TO VIVEK
VIVEK: WHAT IS THE ANSWER OF THIS QUESTION?????
VIVEK: I DUUNO.................
GEETA: IDIOT,DO U EVEN KNOW SPELLING OF PHYSICS?????!!!!!
VIVEK: MISS,PHY 1 OR 2!!!!!!!:-)

SUNDARAM GOES HOME AFTER GETTING 2 MARKS IN BIO & 46 IN MATHS.......
SUNDARAM : MUMMY I GOT 46 IN MATHS..........
MUMMY: GOOD
SUNDARAM: CAN I GO TO PLAY............
MUMMY: YA
SUNDARAM(AT THE DOOR): BUT I GOT 2 IN BIO...........
MUMMY: OK .........DONT COME BACK AFTER PLAYING!!! ;-)

SUNDARAM: DADDY I GOT 46 IN MATHS........
DADDY(ANGRILY): DONT SAY THAT IDIOT ,ONLY 46, WERE U SLEEPING
DURING XAMS, CANT U GET 50/50 $%$%#$%$#%%
OK, HOW MUCH DID U GET IN BIO
SUNDARAM: UMMMMMMMMMMMMM...............................???????????
I DID NOT GT PAPER

VIVEK TO JAI: HOW MUCH DID U GET IN CHEM.......????
JAI: 30
VIVEK : WHAT!!!!!!!!! MERE KO BHI 30...... MATLAB MEIN FAIL HO GAYA

Teacher:Adithya what is the formula for K.E
Adithya:blah blah blah
pavan:sala yahan bhi rap keliye competition hai!!

Official Proposal

Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
yours sincerely,
Romeo

wht do u think the gurl should have said for this.????comment on it please

Problems when using WIFE 1.0

To: Tech Support
Dear Sir,

Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected :(

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
Rajeev

Reply

To: Rajeev
Dear Rajeev,

This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed!!

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

Note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Regards from Amit